Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
