Tell her she can't have a vagina
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
