i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
