Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think I sprained my soul last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
