I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
