I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
