i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
