You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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