and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
