We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
