ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We're too hungover to prance.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
