it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
