Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize