I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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