im six kinds of drunk right now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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