i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
