me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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