Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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