You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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