I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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