Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
