I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I intend to get homeless drunk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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