is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
