he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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