the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
