I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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