Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
