I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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