he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
