Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
