to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
