Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
