And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
