Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
