Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
