k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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