i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
