you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didn't notice because vodka
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
