i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
