'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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