People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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