apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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