Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
