Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
