Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
