I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
