Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
