you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
