About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
