I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
