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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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