best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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