he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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