**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
