i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
