yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
porn star boner night. come get it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
