I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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