So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize