Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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