the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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