If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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