WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
