Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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