It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize