So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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