Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
