things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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