I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
