Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
