I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
